Palalo ay Yaman, Part 3

Last Sunday in September, a.k.a. our last Sunday at North Sub.  What a morning!  I was a basketcase…all morning I had a lump in my throat that didn’t go away.  I could not sing one sentence without stopping.  I must have used up a whole box of kleenex.  It was getting embarassing…my eyes were all puffy and no amount of make-up covered for it.  I just blamed it all on my hormones.

Somewhere in the service, Brian, Steve and my boss who is also the Worship Pastor, called us onstage to pray for us.  Literally, my whole body was shaking and the floodgates of tears opened even Noah’s ark would not have survived it.  He prayed from Psalm 20:1-5.  I heard long pauses and a quiver in his voice.  I felt Steve’s clasp on my hand get tighter and tighter.  It was a moment frozen in my mind as touching, beautiful, bittersweet, and sad all at once.  Once in a while, my baby would kick me in the gut.  He brought smiles in my heart that morning amidst my heavy feelings of sadness.

Psalm 20:1-5
A Prayer of Blessing for the family of Stephen & Mariciel Ballast
September 28, 2008

We pray that the Lord will listen when you are in trouble, and that the God of Jacob will keep you safe.  May the Lord send help from his temple and come to your rescue from Mt. Zion.  May He remember your gifts, and be pleased with what you bring.  May God do what you want most, and let all go well with you.  Then you will win victories, and we will celebrate, while raising our banners in the name of our God.  May the LORD answer all of your prayers!

That night, I reflected on the day.  Some say that leaving is easier than being left behind.  This was an exception.  I had the hardest time saying goodbye, though I know there will be visits and emails and phone calls and facebook.  The hardest part, I thought, was leaving behind our “family,” our support system, in a time when we are about to receive our newest little member of our family.  Paul has been so loved from the very beginning and we won’t even be there when he debuts into this world to meet the wonderful aunts and uncles and grannies who had been praying for him from since he was in his mommy’s womb.  But God had other plans and that night, as reluctant as I was, I surrended.  Not with a sense of resignation but rather as with the words of Matt Redman’s song, “Lord, You give and take away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.”  There was no dramatic sudden peace in me but at least I had a better sleep.  Steve and I had a good cry that night.  We both knew that new adventures await us and the overwhelming sadness we felt will pass.

Thanks, Ingmari, for letting us stay in your house while we were waiting to take off.  We love you and Rick!  Looking forward to sharing sushi with you again sometime!